Poems by Faith Rosling

PUBLISHED: 00:16 08 February 2011 | UPDATED: 20:37 20 February 2013

'The Delights of Gardening', 'The Makeover', 'Packaging Nightmares' and more...

The Delights of Gardening

The day is fine , the forecast's good

What about the garden, perhaps I should

The lawn resembles a field of hay

It could certainly do with a cut today

Down the path, unlock the shed

I must attack the old rose bed

It,s full of weeds and greenfly too

Oh lord, there,s blackspot, now that,s new.

I,ll need the wheelbarrow for when I mow

And what about that rusty hoe?

I,ve pulled and tugged, the machine won,t start

This can,t be good for my ageing heart

I,ll give it a rest and try again soon

It,s got to work this afternoon

Oh help, It,s all a bit of a mess

This gardening can,t be good for stress

And now that I,m kneeling on the ground

I think I,,ve heard a dreaded sound

The doorbell pings,I,ll have to go

But getting up is oh so slow,

I rush to the door breath in fist

But whoever was there, I jolly well missed.

The compost heap,s got quite a load

But it is the home of Mr Toad

Will he stay and croak to me

No, he leapfrogs off to find his tea.

The mower roars ,a welcome sound

At this rate I,ll soon get round.

I might have known it was too good to last,

It,s stopped again, Oh damn and blast

I really think I,ve done enough

Ifind this gardening far too tough,

So now I,ll stop and call it a day

And the grass can go on making hay.

Faith Rosling Copyright 2010

The Makeover

I must get my haircut, Ill ring up today,

Its out of control and gone Its own way.

Lately I feel Ive been going to seed

A makeover is probably just what I need.

What if I were able to lose some weight?

I,m getting on perhaps its too late

These miracle creams are marvellous they say

They take years off you in less than a day.

Facelifts yes, but there is a down

Youll hardly smile , let alone frown.

Nail extensions, how do they stay on?

Washing up- oh God where have they all gone.

What about jogging ,thats supposed to be good

But really for me no I dont think I should.

Health Farms maybe that,s just the thing

But they also come with a nasty sting

Carrot juice is all that youll get

Apart from being deeply in debt.

Oh dear what else is there that I can do

To make myself as good as new.

I could go on a diet and give up drinking

But thats pretty miserable to my way of thinking.

I really have tried to think of a way

To improve my image, but I reallymust say

I dont think Ill bother, Its really too silly,

You cant change an old mare into a filly!

Copyright Faith Rosling 2010

Packaging Nightmares

Modern Packaging maybe all the rage

But when you get to our distinguished age

It drives you mad to find that you

Cannot open or unscrew

A mass of things that Theyve designed

To drive you clear out of your mind.

Have you ever managed a sardine tin?

I get splattered in oil, I never win.

Sellotape and cling film,wonderful they may be

But to find the end ,rather you than me.

Plastic bags a modern blight

Theyre really better out of sight.

Packets of biscuits are very sweet

Its something we all like to eat

Once youve fought to get them open

Theres hardly one thats not been broken.

Crisps you pull open with a pop

Onto the floor theyre sure to drop

The dog will happily get them first

And youre left holding the bag thats burst.

The Postmans left a parcel, a rather curious shape

But heavens ,its covered in masses of sticky brown tape

Im cutting and Im tugging,I really want to see

What gorgeous, lovely, exciting things someones sent to me.

But now I begin to wonder if I will ever know

As getting into the blessed thing is proving very slow.

Sometimes I think screw topped jars really should be banned

Theyre screwed on so jolly tight, designed to hurt your hand.

Fizzy drinks bottles are just that

The top flies off, whoosh ,fizz, onto the floor splat !

So your gin and tonic , becomes , tonic with gin,

What a really glorious state to be in.

So is this packaging here to stay

To test our patience day by day?

So if inspiration comes to you

And you find a better way thats new

To package all these things we buy

The nation will breathe a thankful sigh.

Copyright Faith Rosling 2010

A walk through the woods

Weve found a lovely place to stay

So Ive decided to go for a walk today

The countryside looks so inviting

Ill go and explore,itll be exciting.

Ive walked through fields and sloshed through streams

The weather is perfect the stuff of dreams.

Up a hill and through a wood

Im really happy and feeling good.

Now I think Id better turn back

But a sense of direction is something I lack,

Which track to take ? I really dont know

I wish I knew the right way to go.

The horse in the field, I ask him which way?

But hes no help, he only says neigh

Why did I have to come on my own

Im truly lost, I might have known.

My mobile phone Ive left behind

And theres not a single path thats signed.

Is this the path through the wood

This must be the spot where I stood

So I take the path amongst the trees

Its terribly boggy, Im up to my knees.

I should have worn boots but its too late now,

The next thing I know Im face to face with a cow

She looks at me with long lashed eyes,

And moos keep going youll have a surprise

Shes right, oh joy what do I see

A sign for the village Ill be back for tea.

Faith Rosling Copyright 2011

I only asked her to come to tea

I only asked her to come to tea

But now she insists shes staying with me

Her suitcase on the step is vast

She certainly has enough to last.

I dread how long her stay will be

I suppose Id better make some tea.

She never was a bosom friend

Shes going to drive me round the bend

Ill have to get the spare room ready

My jangling nerves are far from steady.

Id bought myself just one lamb chop

Its too late now to go out and shop.

Oh thats fine, says she, that will do me

Youll be alright you had a big tea.

She snored so loud the whole house shook,

I couldnt sleep I read a book.

The next day dawned she was down at eight

Her breakfast piled high on her plate

Shed drunk all the milk and finished the toast

I really dont feel like a generous host.

I know if I dont get rid of her soon

Ill be certified by this afternoon

She says she wants to buy some clothes

I thought shed got enough of those.

So off she drags me to shop after shop,

Weve been to so many Im ready to drop.

And when its time for her to pay

What on earth is that I hear her say

Ive left my credit card at home

Youll have to help me with a loan

She does not take kindly to my reply

As she now finds that she cannot buy

All the clothes that shes tried on

And says its time that she was gone

And finds it very hard to see

Why on earth she came to stay with me!

Faith Rosling Copyright 2010


I found the old house again today

We moved out six years ago in May

It stands there empty and forlorn

Lonely and unloved this misty morn

Itried the door it was unlocked

I almost felt I should have knocked

The hall with sweeping stair on either side

It was a magic place to hide

Those summer balls ,we danced all night

Then watched as dawn became daylight

Those dancing feet still seem so near

Is that the sound of silk I hear?

The beautiful garden is overgrown

It is where happiness was sown

The rambling roses now in trees entwined

Like the tangled memories of my mind.

Faith Rosling Copyright 2010

Latest from the Dorset